New Year’s Resolutions: “I’d rather live in a dumpster and eat trash than…”

It’s New Year’s Eve, and people are talking about resolutions.

But if changing were as easy as “resolving to change,” you’d have already done it.

You have to have power and motivation to make resolutions work.

In this New Year’s 3-minute video, I talk about how you can get to a potent source of motivation for change…

By harnessing the part of you that would rather “live in a dumpster and eat trash” than have something continue the way it is.

Plus I give an update on my weight-loss project, for those who have been following along!

How to set your “North Star” to the path of Light

Please note: If you want to be send notifications of my new videos about “Carpet Work Facilitation,” you must sign up by clicking this link. Only if you sign up will you be sent notifications about new facilitation training videos. – Dmitri

There’s a weird thing about how people generally handle traumatic experiences.

They often don’t say, “Wow, I’m glad that weird aberration to my normal experience is over.”

Instead, they unconsciously say, “That bad thing must have happened to me for a reason.”

Then they’ll often conclude, “The reason that bad thing happened to me because I’m on a bad, dark path in life.”

Then that new belief — that they are essentially stuck on a dark path — makes healing difficult.

They start to expect (and even seek out) bad experiences, and ignore the opportunities for good ones.

“I’m on a dark path” easily becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In this new 6-minute video, I talk about how you can recognize when you’ve gotten on to a path of darkness, and how you can get off of it. I also share some examples of people making that shift

If you are interested in healing, you’ll almost certainly want to know the ideas I present in this video.

Facilitator’s Club – How to Handle Humor on the Carpet

Sometimes participants are genuinely funny… even when they are sharing about profoundly upsetting experiences.

The group may start laughing a lot, and it can be confusing — how are you supposed to facilitate a truly healing process with all this laughing going on?

Many facilitators mis-handle this situation… but there IS a way to handle it well, so it

  • grounds the process,
  • builds the participant’s trust in the process, and
  • moves the process forward.

In this three-and-a-half minute video, I share with you exactly how to handle humor on the carpet.

I hope you enjoy it.


Facilitator’s Club – The Four Phases of Facilitation Mastery


When most people teach facilitation, they teach about the kinds of processes you can run, and the techniques you need to use to run those processes well.

That’s fine, but if you stop there, it’s not enough.

If you want facilitation mastery, you have to also look at the inner, emotional journey of learning to facilitate.

That inner journey is just as important — or even more important — than knowing processes and techniques.

If you’ve been around me much, you’ve probably heard me say this:

“Achievement and transformation walk hand in hand.”

Put another way, if you want to achieve at a level beyond which you are currently capable, you will have to experience an inner transformation.

You are already doing your best. It’s not like you can “do your best harder.”

You actually have to become the “next better version of you” who can achieve what you currently cannot.

This is true in every area in which you wish to excel… And absolutely true when it comes to mastering Carpet Work facilitation.

In this new video I walk you through the four transformational “phases” that I’ve reliably seen new facilitators go through on their way to mastery.

The big mistake most students make is they resist the phase that they are in. That causes trouble and suffering.

Once you understand what phase you are in, and move with its energy, rather than against it, developing facilitation mastery is much easier and much more fun.

Facilitator’s Club News

As of this writing (November 23rd, 2011) our club is 263 members strong!

If you like this club, and are benefitting from it, I’d ask you do two things,

  • First, participate! If you have questions or comments, put them in and I’ll respond to them — and you can also respond to each other.
  • Second, please share this club with anyone you think might benefit from it. There’s a “Share” button on this page just below, or you can just tell people to go to to sign up.


Facilitator’s Club – “getting” the participant

It’s important that you “get” the participant.

That is, you need to understand what they want, and what is in the way of them getting it, at least as well (if not better) than they do.

When you communicate this understanding to the participant, their trust in your facilitation will increase — along with the velocity and depth of their process.

In this new video I talk about the two things you’ve got to understand if you want to “get” the participant, and show a route to understanding those things that you can start using right away.

As usual, post your questions or comments below.

If you are not in the Facilitator’s Club, and would like to join, click here. It’s easy.

Facilitator’s club – Starting the Process from the participant’s LONGING

It’s possible to use all the right facilitation tools, in the right ways, but still be working on the wrong information.

I see it all the time. You have to start the process with the right information, so you move in the right direction. Otherwise you are working, but not on the participant’s actual issue. And that’ll make things tough.

In this video I show you how to find the participant’s real, deepest longings — which they probably will not present to you automatically — so you can go the right direction and have the process seem to run itself.

Steve Jobs and the pitfalls of living each day as if it was your last


In the wake of Steve Jobs dying, much has been made of his advice about how to live life well. In this 3-minute-32-second video, I talk about one of his quotes, the problems with trying to live each day as if it was your last, and of Jobs’ unique solution to the problem.

If you’d like to be updated when I post new articles and videos, sign up in the sidebar to the right.


Welcome to the Carpet Work Facilitator’s Club!

Hi! I’m glad you’ve joined the Carpet Work Facilitation Club!

(If you haven’t joined, and you want to, it’s free — you can join here.)

I’ll be posting occasional Facilitation Training and Carpet Work Theory videos and tips here… And you’ll be notified by email when I post more, or when I schedule a free tele-class.

New Innovation in the “Warrior Identity Wound”

To start, I’m posting this is a video I recently made for my fellow “Shadow Work” facilitators.

In it I talk about the different Archetypal “Identity Wounds,” and chart a new approach to handling the Warrior “Identity Wound.”

I hope you enjoy it.


Secrets of focus: Getting all your wood behind one arrow

Most people try an unfocused, “scattergun” approach to success… They “shoot everything they’ve got,” assuming that something will succeed.

That may seem like a good idea, but it’s fatal to your sense of FOCUS…

And FOCUS is what you need to succeed.

In this video I trace the source of “focus” — and share,

  • Why the “scattergun” approach to success may seem intuitive — but it’s actually a problem you must work against,
  • Why shooting toward ONE THING is critically important,
  • Why priorities are like arms.. and how when you say you have more than two of them, you go crazy,
  • What high-tech startups, user interface designers, and Apple Inc., can teach you about focus, and
  • The path to focus that you can follow, so you have a natural flow from your “inner state” to your “external success.”

A heart-centered approach to integrity, accountability, and excellence

Too often we use “integrity” and “accountability” to beat ourselves up — or to beat up other people.

I think we can do better than that.

And after blowing my own word — right after teaching about accountability on a recent men’s weekend — I learned some great new stuff about integrity, accountability, and the state of your heart.

I’ve posted what I learned in the video above.

Integrity is an important tool for creating great things in your life. There’s no doubt about that.

But if you blow your integrity, you must know how to handle it so you can get back on track, feeling even better than before.

… And that’s where most of us fail.

When you blow your integrity, it’s not enough to “own” that you did it. It’s not enough to “get back into integrity” with other people.

You have to look at what happened in your heart when you didn’t keep your word.

In this video I share a new view of accountability that takes your heart into account… Because it does no good to “get back into integrity” with other people, if, deep inside, you’ve given up on yourself.

If you are at all interested in integrity and accountability, I really think you’ll want to watch this video.

P.S. Please share this video with anyone you think might appreciate it. I know it’s an issue a lot of people struggle with; hopefully this will help.

If you’d like to be updated when I post new articles and videos, sign up in the sidebar to the right.