Archives for September 2012

Why you shouldn’t try to hang on to your new insight or transformation


Hi. This is Dmitri Bilgere, and today I’d like to talk to you about the question:

How do you hang on to an insight or a transformation after you’ve had it?

There’s some surprising stuff here, because it’s counterintuitive. But this is a really, really important and useful point. So I hope you’ll spend a moment with me here and really get it.

Often when I run a workshop or work with someone, they’ll get some sort of transformation, and it’ll change things. It’ll change where they’re at, and they see things differently. And that’s great.

But then sometimes when I talk to them later, they’ll say, “Well, you know, I really tried to be in that new energy. I really tried to be in that insight with my family,” or “with my wife” or with whatever they’re up against. They’ll say, “I really tried to be in that, but it just didn’t seem to work. I just couldn’t seem to hang on to that new insight.”

Have you ever felt that way? Like you’re trying to hang on to some insight that you got, or some new energy you’re feeling?

Well, it’s really understandable that you’d do that. But the first thing to get about that is that trying to hang on to an insight or an energy doesn’t work because:

– it’s a static thing to do.
– It’s trying to hold on to something from the past.

And the problem with that is that life is a moving target.

What I mean by that is that life doesn’t hold still. You have relationships with people, but they’re new creations every time you interact with them. That person is really a new person. And if you don’t believe me, think about interacting with kids, or parenting. Every time you interact with your kids, they’re new. It’s a new creation all the time. It’s not yesterday’s them. It’s all-new, right now, today.

Life doesn’t work like, “There! I did a piece of emotional work. Now I have a great relationship with my spouse. Good thing I never have to think about it again.”

Life doesn’t work like, “There! Now I’ve done a piece of personal work and I figured out parenting. That’s done now.”

Life doesn’t work like, “I figured out being at peace.” Or, “I figured out being a generative businessman or businesswoman.” Or whatever it is.

Life is a moving target. So when you say, “I had this insight yesterday. I want to grab it and be in that thing right now,” you’re actually not looking at your life. You’re actually looking at your life the way it was when you had that insight. That is not going to work.

So here’s what I want to suggest that you do: Think of your insights not as destinations to get to and live at, but as stepping stones. Think of them as things to stand on as you look for, “What’s next for me?”

So if you do a piece of work on a difficult relationship and later you’re interacting with that person, don’t think, “How can I be in that insight?”

Instead think, “Okay, I’m standing on what I got from that insight.
– “What’s being shown to me in this relationship next?”
– “What am I seeing next?”
– “What am I being given next?”
– “What am I being called to next?”

You’re standing on this insight as a stepping stone and asking, “What’s next?”

We all want to have momentum in our lives, and have the things that we’re doing build and flow and go more and more. The way to do that isn’t to try to be where you were yesterday. It’s to be continuously renewed. And you’re continuously renewed when you seek what’s next.

I hope you will find this useful. And I hope you’ll stop trying to pursue or live out of your last insight, but live on it to find out what’s next.