Click here to view the video on YouTube.

In my last video (click here to watch it), I talked about how the ability to continue to hold on to a vision is the big difference between people who are successful and people who try, but fail.

The people who can hold their vision, no matter what happens, are the people who can “Think Big,” and get big results.

For the rest of us, it might be a little more complicated.

You see…

“Thinking big” won’t work for you if your experiences have taught you that the world is set up for you to fail. 

Put another way…

To “think big,” you have to change your WORLD.

If you’ve ever tried “thinking big” and it hasn’t worked for you — or if you’d like to think big, but are worried that you might fail — you’ll probably want to watch this video.

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Lots of people like to tell other people to “Think Big.”

And for some people, “Thinking Big” works.

But for others, “Thinking Big” the first step on the road to disappointment.

It’s time to change all that.

In this four-minute video you’ll discover:

• Bill Kauth’s story about how his “Big Thinking” goals for the ManKind project came true,
• Why “Thinking Big” works for some people but spectacularly FAILS for others,
• How “Success = Vision + Persistence + Patience,” and
• How being able to maintain your “vision” is the HARDEST (but least acknowledged) part of successfully “Thinking Big.”

“Thinking Big” IS important. But if you don’t understand the Hazards of Thinking Big,” you can get into a lot of trouble.

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

It’s New Year’s Eve, and people are talking about resolutions.

But if changing were as easy as “resolving to change,” you’d have already done it.

You have to have power and motivation to make resolutions work.

In this New Year’s 3-minute video, I talk about how you can get to a potent source of motivation for change…

By harnessing the part of you that would rather “live in a dumpster and eat trash” than have something continue the way it is.

Plus I give an update on my weight-loss project, for those who have been following along!

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

That may seem like a good idea, but it’s fatal to your sense of FOCUS…

And FOCUS is what you need to succeed.

In this video I trace the source of “focus” — and share,

• Why the “scattergun” approach to success may seem intuitive — but it’s actually a problem you must work against,
• Why shooting toward ONE THING is critically important,
• Why priorities are like arms.. and how when you say you have more than two of them, you go crazy,
• What high-tech startups, user interface designers, and Apple Inc., can teach you about focus, and
• The path to focus that you can follow, so you have a natural flow from your “inner state” to your “external success.”

Years ago, on a perfect summer night, on a sandbar by the Wisconsin River, by a high bluff and under the light of a full moon, I built a fire.

Or perhaps I should say, I attempted to build a fire.

I actually failed at it, repeatedly… Until I had an important insight.

Then the fire practically exploded.

Building that fire taught me an important lesson about getting massive results.

I’ve relied on that lesson many times over the years, but I’ve never really talked about it publicly.

The lesson I learned really flies in the face of the idea that “you should never take your eyes off your goal.” In fact, I’d say that taking my eyes OFF my goal — in the right way — has been one of the most important lessons I’ve learned about manifesting in the real world..

And I learned it that night, attempting to build a fire beside the Wisconsin River.

You’re heart responds to Divine qualities expressed in the world… Those responses are longings.

In this brief video I show you how to get in touch with your longings so you can whole-heartedly pursue what you want.

Related Posts

How to get back in touch with the source of your motivation

If you want to be generous, it’s good to be rich

The fundamental mistake that causes you to lose heart, and how you can avoid it

It’s called “Fortuosity.”

In the movie, a happy-go-lucky guy dances around and sings about how “My philosophy is do your best, and leave the rest to fortuosity.”

The message of the song is simple: “Do the best you can, and have faith about everything else.”

http://youtu.be/k-mDrxLVuVU#t=1m20s

I remember I really loved that idea when I first heard the song.

But even as a kid I remember thinking, “How do I do that? How do I do my best and have faith about everything else?”

It’s a great deal — with a catch

It certainly sounds like a good bargain:

If you

• do your best, then you
• get permission to relax and have faith in the Divine (by whatever name you call it) to take care of the rest.

“Just do your best and leave the rest to fortuosity.”

But there’s that catch…

But it’s a deal with a catch… And the catch is this:

You rarely really know, with certainty, that you did your best.

And if you don’t really know that you did your best, the whole deal falls apart.

If you’re going to do your best so you can relax and have faith, you actually have to achieve “doing your best.”

And it turns out that asking yourself “Did I really do my best?” is a great way to drive yourself crazy … Because you can always find a way in which you probably could have done what you did even better.

Because you never really know you did your best, you don’t get to “just relax and trust.” You just get more tension as you strive to do your best “good enough,” so you can finally relax.

“The Deal” has it exactly backwards

The fundamental problem is this:

The deal that life offers isn’t “Do your best, and then you can relax and have faith about the rest.”

The actual deal is “Relax and have faith. Then you’ll be able to do your best.”

It’s a completely different approach… and it has a completely different result.

You can’t do your best from a poor state of mind

If you are feeling unsupported in life, alone, or afraid, you’ll inevitably set the bar for “doing your best” impossibly high. That’s because when you are upset you confuse doing “your best” with “doing everything so well that I finally feel safe in life, once and for all.”
Fundamentally what you’re saying is “I’ll be perfect, then I’ll be able to feel good inside.”

And that’s exactly backwards.

You have to care for your heart first

You need to say, “I’ll care for my heart first, so I feel good inside. Then I’ll discover what I’m moved to do in the external world.”

Once you’ve cared for your heart, you’ll

• be in your best state of mind
• be authentically you
• feel faith, feel taken care of, and
• feel in the current of Divine Love and Mercy.

And from that state, you won’t need to make any deals about “doing your best” so you can finally relax. You’ll automatically know when you need to strive, and when you can let go and relax.

The state of your heart = the state of your life

I know I’m always on about “caring for your heart first.” That’s because I want these posts to be a constant inspiration and reminder for you to look to and care for your self in every situation.

We live in a world that does not value taking care of your heart. I don’t have to tell you that. But if you really want to actually enjoy your life — not to mention live it well, and have the best chance of achieving what you care about — you have to be one of the people who goes against the crowd and who makes it a priority to care for the state of your heart.

As I’m fond of saying on this blog, “the state of your heart equals the state of your life.” Please take that seriously. It’s my hope that these posts help you start to see that every situation is one in which the state of your heart is important.

Many people go through life disconnected from their Source of Mercy, so they inflict merciless lives on themselves. Or, like in the case of “do your best, then you can relax,” they wait to achieve some sort of perfection before they open to Divine nurturance.

But the Source doesn’t say “perfect yourself then open to Love.” If anything, the Source says “open to Love and be perfected.” There is mercy for the hearts of those who look. I suggest you go to that mercy first.

Related Posts

The fundamental mistake of losing heart

How to get back in touch with your motivation

The “healing examples” video on the coaching page

Maybe you shouldn’t jump off a cliff

How to be the “empty cup” that calls forth compassion and healing

Self-Compassion: Healing’s Secret Ingredient

The video covers…

• How being in touch with what you long for sets the stage for everything you do (or don’t do) in your life.
• How being in touch with what you long for is the source of motivation to really “go for it” in your life.
• The deal we make with ourselves that kills motivation and puts off going for what you want til a mythical “later,” and
• The simple “first step” you can take, right now, to get your motivation back.

Does this resonate with you? You can share about your experiences in the comments below.

Related Posts

If you want to be generous, it’s good to be rich

The fundamental mistake that causes you to lose heart, and how you can avoid it

Healing for achievement teleseminar replay

Why can’t you just visualize a crosswalk, then step into traffic?

Today’s post shows how you can make use of that wisdom to give from the overflow of your own inner richness.

Let’s begin by looking at when life is calling on you to give and what life is calling on you to give.

When is life calling on you to give?

You’re being called to give when you feel that “tugging in your heart.” You’re likely to feel that tugging…

When someone is needy. When you see someone having a difficult time, you may feel called to give of your heart to them. When a friend, or someone you love, or even a stranger is upset, you may feel called to extend your heart.

When someone is difficult. You probably aren’t only asked to give of yourself when someone is being openly needy, though. You may also feel the call to give of yourself when someone is being a jerk.

A lot of us don’t want to respond “in kind” when someone is being a jerk. We want to give from our hearts, even when someone else isn’t. We don’t want to respond to “jerk” with “jerk.” We want to bring goodness and add beauty, no matter how others are behaving.

When someone is human. Your heart may be called to give when someone you care about is messing up. Perhaps a friend is not acting with integrity, or a loved one does something stupid for the seemingly zillionth time. Our hearts are called to bring something good to them, even though they are being difficult in their humanity.

What is life calling on you to give?

In each of these instances, you are called to give something from your heart…. And I think a good word to describe what you are being called to give is “mercy.”

I’d probably be right if I said that you want to be merciful to the people in your world. You probably want to be a person who sees and loves humanity, underneath everything that everyone is doing around you, no matter what they are doing. That’s being merciful.

You may need to be strong and forceful sometimes; you may need to be gentle at other times; but under it all, you probably want to be a wellspring of mercy, no matter how people behave.

But you run out steam

You want to be merciful to those in your world, but you run out of steam.

And that’s when it’s smart to remember the saying, “If you want to be generous, it’s good to be rich.”

If you are going to give from what’s overflowing inside of you — and if what you need to give is mercy — then you need to be overflowing with mercy.

So how can you be overflowing with mercy?

Just as a financially rich person is personally benefitted by the money they are overflowing with, if you want to be rich in mercy, you have to personally benefit from the mercy you are overflowing with.

That’s right: You need to be overflowing with the experience of mercy for yourself, if you’re going to bring that mercy to others.

It’s worth taking a moment to acknowledge what a big order this is. You need to be willing to say “I’m going to be so overflowing with mercy for myself that I’ll be able to extend mercy to others, from my overflow.”

You have to be willing to say, “If I’m going to be generous with mercy, then first I have to be rich.”

Let’s make a deal

Being rich in mercy first, and then giving it to others, is the opposite of what most people do.

Most people try to give mercy first, and receive it second. It’s as if they believe that if they show enough mercy for others, it will make them worthy of receiving mercy in return.

It’s as if people are saying, “Let’s make a deal! If I give mercy properly, I’ll show I deserve it for me!” But that’s not how mercy works. Making a “deal” goes against the very nature of mercy. Mercy is inherently not earned. It’s given freely to the undeserving.

Because mercy is something that’s freely given, not something that you make a deal for, you need to be able to receive it before you deserve it. That’s at the core, at the heart of what mercy is.

After all, when you are at your best and you give mercy to others, you’re not saying “let’s make a deal.” You’re not telling them, “Jump through some hoops and then I’ll give you mercy.” You’re simply being merciful.

So if you are going to be rich in mercy — so you can give it to others — you have to receive it for yourself… first.

An exercise for being rich with mercy

Okay, so how do you do that? How do you become rich in mercy so that the overflow is available to others?

You become rich in mercy by experiencing it for yourself.

Let’s do that now.

First, think about something you need mercy for in your life. It doesn’t have to be something big. In fact, it might make sense to start with something small.

Think of some small transgression you’ve made, or some area in your life where you weren’t being the person you want to be.

Perhaps it’s a time you didn’t keep your word, or did something selfish, or got away with something and now feel badly about it.

Whatever it is, when you connect with the emotion of it, you will probably feel somewhat isolated and cut off. (In fact, you can know when you need mercy because it leaves you with a feeling of being cut off and alone.)

Second, see the “you” that needs that mercy. Now see before you the “you” that needs mercy. See that part of you like you would see someone else, having that experience of needing mercy for something.

Third, open to the Source of mercy. Mercy isn’t something you can generate yourself. You need to be given it by your sense of Source, Something Higher, or your Deepest Heart.

You receive that mercy by looking for it, with the expectation of finding it. You open to discovering it, and let it do whatever it does in you.

Fourth, allow that mercy to flow into you, and fill you to overflowing. Allow yourself to be connected to the Source of mercy, and experience what it’s giving you. Let it fill you up to overflowing.

Fifth, let that overflowing mercy go to that “you” in front of you.

You may even imagine reaching our your hands to give some sort of blessing to this part of you that needs mercy.

Sixth, allow yourself to become that part of you that needs mercy, and receive it as it flows to you. Let yourself experience the mercy that flows through you, to you…

And finally, notice how that mercy changes you. Really let yourself notice what the mercy does in you, rather than having an agenda for it. Notice how you feel different as the mercy goes into you. Let it fill you to overflowing. And let yourself feel the effect of that mercy as you go about your life.

The cloak of mercy

I like to say that doing this exercise is like stepping into the “cloak of mercy.” When you wear the cloak of mercy you are rich in mercy, and you’ll find that giving mercy to others, when you are rich in it yourself, is an easy thing to do.

Training yourself to fill yourself with mercy, first, may seem like a big project. But you can do it in little pieces, and it’s a project that will pay major dividends. As you practice overflowing with mercy for yourself, it will become more and more natural and automatic.

You’ll go from trying to figure out how to be good enough to receive mercy (even while you’re attempting to give it to others), to overflowing with it, naturally. Once you experience that sense of overflowing mercy for yourself, you’ll find that giving mercy to others is an automatic and pleasurable thing to do.

P.S. A weight-loss milestone reached

If you’ve been following my “Lose-weight-without-suffering-and-without-will-power” project, you may be interested to know that I reached a minor milestone today.

A few months ago, I bought a pair of pants a size too small for me, then forgot about them. This morning my wife Fawn was complaining that the pants I was wearing were too baggy, and I remembered the “too-small” pants…

And now they fit! I’m comfortably wearing them now.

Related Posts about compassion

You may also be interested in…

Self-compassion: Healing’s secret ingredient

How to be the “empty cup” that calls forth compassion and healing

When asking “why” is a big mistake

“In life, you should jump off the cliff. You’ll find either you’ll be caught, or you’ll grow wings and fly.”

If you want to take a risk, this saying says, you should take it. Life will support you. Everything will be fine.

It’s a new-agey greeting-card saying that’s been around for a long time.

And I think it’s just bunk.

Sure, when you jump off that cliff you might be caught. And you might grow wings and fly.

But this bit of advice leaves out another, much more likely option:

You might hit the ground.

And you might hit it pretty hard.

Ever known anyone who’s hit the ground?

Have you ever known anyone who’s taken that advice and hit the ground hard? I have.

• I know a guy who, based on that “jump off a cliff” advice, got married to a woman he had known just a few weeks. They hit the ground, hard, not much later.
• I know several people who have quit their jobs or attempted abrupt career changes based on it. Wham, and wham.
• And I know someone who risked everything in a new business venture based on the idea that you should “jump off a cliff.” And she lost everything.

Closing your eyes and running headlong off a cliff isn’t having faith, no matter how much people tell you that it is. It’s being dumb.

Ow, ow, ow.

The reason it doesn’t work

Let me be clear: I’m not saying you shouldn’t take risks. Sometimes you should. Sometimes you should take big risks. Risks are an important part of life.

But there’s a reason “jumping off a cliff” doesn’t work, and you need to know it:

It doesn’t work because when you close your eyes and jump off a cliff, you’re not moving from where you actually are.

You can only move from where you actually are

When people do the “leap-off-a-cliff” thing, they usually are doing it in response to how much they don’t want to be where they actually are at that moment.

It’s as if they are saying…

• “I don’t like my job so I’m going to impulsively quit.”
• “I don’t like being alone so I’ll impulsively get married.”
• “I don’t like feeling like a failure, so I’ll impulsively invest everything in this business opportunity.”

They are saying “no” to where they actually are, and trying to be somewhere else.

But you can only move from where you actually are. You can say you are somewhere else, but you’re still where you are.

When people take these emotional cliff-jumps, they are not facing what’s going on for them emotionally.

They’re not being where they really are.

It’s hard to get transformation if you won’t admit where you actually are

When you close your eyes and jump off a cliff, you’re being unwilling to admit what you are actually experiencing emotionally. And when you are not willing to admit what you are actually experiencing emotionally, it’s very hard to get transformation.

If you are not willing to admit what you are actually experiencing emotionally, you’re saying, “I’m not going to deal with the upsets or fears I might have about this. I’m just going to act, and hope something good happens.”

That’s “magical thinking.”

And it’s a recipe for hitting the ground hard.

The five steps of acknowledging where you really are

There are 5 steps to admitting where you actually are emotionally. If you haven’t taken these steps, then you probably shouldn’t take a risk that feels like “jumping off a cliff.”

To acknowledge where you really are emotionally, you have to:

1. Acknowledge what’s actually going on, and that you want a change,
2. Acknowledge what seems to be stopping you from making that change,
3. Acknowledge how you lose heart in that circumstance, how you start believing you will be stuck with an unpleasant fate,
4. Acknowledge that the person you become when you believe you’re stuck with that fate is not a person who is able to create the change you want, and
5. Admit you need to care for your heart.

Here’s how a person thinking of quitting her job in the name of “jumping off a cliff” might do these steps:

1) Acknowledge what’s actually going on, and that you want a change: “I don’t like my job. It feels like it’s not going anywhere. I want a change for the better.”

2) Acknowledge what seems to be stopping you from making that change: “Every time I look, I don’t see any options that seem better.”

3) Acknowledge how you lose heart in that circumstance, how you start believing you will be stuck with an unpleasant fate: “When I feel like I don’t have any other options,  I start to believe that there’s no way forward, and that I’m gonna be stuck doing this job I hate forever.”

4) Acknowledge that the person you become when you believe you’re stuck with that fate is not a person who is able to create the change you want: “Wow, when I become the person who’s already decided that I’m stuck forever, I turn into someone who is pretty useless at pursuing other alternatives.”

5) Admit you need to care for your heart. “I need to care for my hurting heart that’s bought this idea that I’m stuck forever, so I can restore myself and move forward with strength.”

The cliff-jumper isn’t saying any of those things. Here’s what the cliff-jumper is saying:

“I can’t bear to face how I’ve lost heart. It’s too upsetting, so I’m saying no to it. I’m going to refuse to look at how I’ve bought the idea that I’m stuck forever. I’m going to run headlong off a cliff, hoping something good will happen.”

It’s similar for the guy who gets married impulsively, in the name of “jumping off the cliff.”

If he followed the steps, it might go like this:

1) Acknowledge what’s actually going on, and that you want a change: “I don’t like being alone. I want a partner in life.”

2) Acknowledge what seems to be stopping you from making that change: “But nothing I do to find a partner works. I go on dates, but get nothing but duds.”

3) Acknowledge how you lose heart in that circumstance, how you start believing you will be stuck with an unpleasant fate: “When nothing I do to find a partner works, I really do lose heart. And the way I lose heart is that I start to believe that I’m fated to be alone and unappreciated.”

4) Acknowledge that the person you become when you believe you’re stuck with that fate is not  a person who is able to create the change you want: “Wow, when I become the person who’s already decided that I’m fated to be alone and unappreciated, I turn into someone who destroys any possibility before it even gets started.”

5) Admit you need to care for your heart. “I need to stop what I’m doing and care for my hurting heart that’s bought this idea, so I can restore myself and become someone who a great partner might want to be with.”

Instead, when he “cliff-jumps,” he’s saying:

“I can’t bear to face how I’ve lost heart. It’s too upsetting, so I’m saying no to it. I’m going to refuse to look at how I’ve bought the idea that I’m fated to be alone and unappreciated. I’m going to run headlong off a cliff, hoping something good will happen.”

I know that sometimes big risks are necessary. What I’m saying is this:

If you are taking big risks to avoid facing where you are actually at emotionally, you aren’t having faith. Your closing your eyes and running off a cliff, and you’re setting yourself up to hit the ground hard.

How to do it

If you want to make a change in your life, and are considering taking a big risk, I suggest you follow the formula:

1) Acknowledge what’s actually going on, and that you want a change. Say something like, “Yes, I do want some area of my life to change. I do want to take a leap into something else, and I am willing to take some risk to do it. There is a leap I want to take.”

2) Acknowledge what seems to be stopping you from making that change. Rather than closing your eyes and jumping into that risk, ask yourself, “When I try to pursue that change in my life, what problem do I hit?”

• Are you applying for jobs but getting turned down?
• Are you going on dates but always meeting people you don’t like?

What circumstance seems to be stopping you?

3) Acknowledge how you lose heart in that circumstance, how you start believing you will be stuck with an unpleasant fate. Ask yourself, “In the face of that circumstance, how do I lose heart? When I hit those circumstances over and over, what dark fate do I find myself deciding I must be doomed for?”

• Are you deciding that you are doomed to doing work that you hate?
• Are you deciding that you are doomed to wither and die alone?

Let yourself start to see how you lose heart.

4) Acknowledge that the person you become when you believe you’re stuck with that fate is not a person who is able to create the change you want. Have some compassion for how hard it is to make a change when you’ve already bought the idea that it will never work.

5) Admit you need to care for your heart. This is the important step. When you care for yourself when you’ve lost heart, you are truly being where you actually are. You are saying “yes” to what’s happening, rather than saying “no” to it. You’re no longer running headlong off a cliff to escape.

When you are able to say, “I do lose heart, and my heart needs help,” and when you open to finding new sources of healing, you’ll be able to find inspiration and transformation you wouldn’t have been open to otherwise.

After you’ve taken care of your heart, you’ll find you’ll be able to take risks in your life in a whole way. Rather than running off a cliff, you’ll be open to new options, able to see new opportunities, and able to take new, strong, imaginative actions.

It’ll be a lot more likely you’ll be caught, or feel like you have wings. And it’ll be a lot less likely you’ll hit the ground hard.