Going beyond your “breaking point” and staying in the light


Here’s the transcript of this video if you’d prefer to read it…

Hi, this is Dmitri Bilgere, and I’d like to talk to you today, real briefly here, about a conclusion that I’ve seen in myself and in others, that we unconsciously draw.

…And when we draw this conclusion, everything goes off the rails.

I’ve been seeing it in myself, I’ve been seeing it in clients, I’ve been seeing it in other people. And I want to share it with you so that you can start to develop an awareness of when this is happening, and begin to make a choice about it, rather than having it be something that just occurs, and you are left with the aftermath of it.

“I have to step out of the light”

Now as you may have guessed from what I have written on the board here, the conclusion that people draw is “I have to step out of the light.”

Let me give you an example of this to show you what I mean, and to show you why this is so toxic. I’ll give you an example from my own life.

We all have longings

We all have longings of our hearts that are worth taking the time to get in touch with: they are great longings. And one of the longings that I have to be really a fountainhead of light, a source of light, a source of inspiration for people. To really encourage people to continue to step into goodness, to continue to step into virtue, to encourage them in believing that a better life is possible for them, and to go for it.

This is important to me, it gets me out of bed in the morning. I wake up in the morning, and that prospect, of being that kind of a light, it works for me. It moves me forward.

But life happens

So, what happens? Life happens. The other day I started the day with this intention, but, as the day was going by, I was noticing that nothing was working the way it was supposed to work. It seemed like everything was breaking.

  • My body wasn’t working the way it was supposed to — I felt lots of inflammation, and headache, and joint pain.
  • My relationship wasn’t working the way it was supposed to — Fawn wasn’t doing things the way I would like her to do things.
  • And other things just weren’t working out — even the car was breaking.

There’s a breaking point

There’s this way that things “stack up” in us. And it was “stacking up” in me.

So before my day went wonky, I was “I want to be a source for the Light. I really believe in goodness, and I’m in touch with it, and it’s all great.”

But as the day went on, I became “Oh, the car doesn’t work. Oh, I’m feeling really sore in my body. Oh, Fawn’s not doing what she said she’d do.” It was one thing after another.

And you can imagine what happened. They call it “reaching your breaking point,” but what’s really happening is we say, “in the face of this much stuff not going my way, I have to step out of the light.”

And we decide we have to step out of the light

So I want you to start asking yourself, what is the moment where you draw the conclusion that “Ok, at this point, I have to step out of the light”?

What that looks like for me is this: I say, “Okay, trust and faith are all well and good, but in this circumstance, where this many things haven’t gone my way, it’s time for me to go fix things.”

So I go into what I call “Mean Dad mode,” to really make people “straighten up and fly right.” Or I get into “fix it” mode, where I really double down on stress and pressure to “make it happen.”

Perhaps you can relate to this kind of thing. These are the kinds of actions we take AFTER we have decided that we have to step out of the light.

So, what I did was, I stopped for a moment. I turned and opened up, and said,

“Wow, I really see that in the face of enough things not going my way, I believe I have to step out of the light until I get things fixed.”

But the big question is, is that really true? When I turn to the light with that question, what do I see?

The question I’m always asking

It seems like I’m always asking, “When you turn to the light, is that really true?” Looking to an authority higher than your own mind is a core of my work.

So, in this case, when you turn back to your deepest inner knowing, the Light, God, Source, whatever you call it — is it really true that, under certain circumstances you are destined to have to step out of the light?

For me, I get this answer: No, it’s not true.

Seeing that I am not fated to step out of the light when enough things don’t go my way has opened a whole new door for me.

Now when I reach that point that I normally reach — where I start to decide that I have to step out of the light and fix things, and be in the darkness till I have things working again — I know, deep inside, that I have the option of staying in the light.
So my experience is different. Instead of being “I have to make this work,” It’s more like, “Wow, I don’t know what I’m going to be like staying in the light in this circumstance.”

  • I don’t know if I’m going to be more patient.
  • I don’t know if I’m going to have more forbearance.
  • I don’t know if I might be stronger with people, and be more demanding — but be demanding in a way that’s heart to heart with people.

I actually don’t know who I am on the other side of the decision to not step out of the light.

But I am certain of this: however I behave in the light will be better than how I’d behave out of it.

Because surprises happen when you stay in the light anyway. That’s even when miracles happen, because you are living your day in a completely new way.

Give it a try

I know this is a fast way to explain this, but I want to get these ideas across to you quickly, so you can start playing with them.

Here’s what I suggest:

Start keeping an eye out for where it is your “breaking point” is…

…And start to see that “breaking point” as the point where you lose heart and make the decision that you have to step out of the light.

Then ask your Inner Self of Something Higher, “Is it really true that I have to do that?”

If it’s not true, then stay with the light, and start to see what happens when you go even further with it. I think you’ll really be surprised by what’s possible.

Posts about related topics

Go for what you want by understanding your longings

How to get back in touch with the source of your motivation

If you want to be generous it’s good to be rich

The fundamental mistake that causes you to lose heart, and how to avoid it

About Dmitri


  1. Dan Gaffney says:

    Provocative. What’s the story I tell myself when I lose heart, reach my so called breaking point and step out if the light?

    When I boil it down the truth is that the story, whatever it is, is simply that – fiction. When I burn everything, including the story that I must step out of the light, all that remains is my pure heart. And that is more than enough to sustain me, come what may. No need for drama, reversals, reprisals, withdrawals or radical changes. And if i do swallow the story and act on it, the truth of who I am will always be here, waiting, in the light.

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