Archives for 2014

There is nothing wrong with you

In my workshops and coaching, people often ask me, “but why am I this way?

  • “Why am I shy with the people I’m attracted to?”
  • “Why do I have a hard time feeling love and support?”
  • “Why do I have difficulty making decisions?”
  • “Why do I have a hard time setting boundaries with people?”

…And so on. It boils down to this question:

“Why do I have this repeating behavior pattern that I don’t like?”

Which, put even more simply, is really the question:

“What’s wrong with me?”

But “barking up the tree” of “why” is a waste of time.

We think that understanding the reason we behave the way we do will naturally lead to solutions for those troubling behaviors.

But usually it doesn’t.

In fact, pursuing “why” can even lock in the problem behavior. We end up using our reasons “why” we are like this as reasons we can’t change.

Let me put the “why” question to rest for you:

The reason you are the way you are — the reason you’ve taken on the behaviors, beliefs and limitations you’ve taken on — is because those behaviors were the best ways to navigate whatever difficulties you faced in your childhood.

We could do an emotional process to show you this, but we don’t need to. It is so.

You took on the behaviors you needed to take on, in order to make it through your childhood.

And it worked.

Those behaviors and beliefs may be out of date now. They may cause trouble, and may need to be updated.

But you don’t have to spend your time worrying about “why?”

You can stop asking, “Why do I do the things I do?”

You can stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?”

Because there’s nothing wrong with you. You may need to update old coping strategies… but there’s nothing wrong with you about that.

How to Run Carpet Work More Quickly Lesson 3: Emotional Sacrifice

The Hazards of “Thinking Big” Part 2


In my last video (click here to watch it), I talked about how the ability to continue to hold on to a vision is the big difference between people who are successful and people who try, but fail.

The people who can hold their vision, no matter what happens, are the people who can “Think Big,” and get big results.

For the rest of us, it might be a little more complicated.

You see…

“Thinking big” won’t work for you if your experiences have taught you that the world is set up for you to fail. 

Put another way…

To “think big,” you have to change your WORLD.

If you’ve ever tried “thinking big” and it hasn’t worked for you — or if you’d like to think big, but are worried that you might fail — you’ll probably want to watch this video.


The Hazards of “Thinking Big”

Lots of people like to tell other people to “Think Big.”

And for some people, “Thinking Big” works.

But for others, “Thinking Big” the first step on the road to disappointment.

It’s time to change all that.

In this four-minute video you’ll discover:

  • Bill Kauth’s story about how his “Big Thinking” goals for the ManKind project came true,
  • Why “Thinking Big” works for some people but spectacularly FAILS for others,
  • How “Success = Vision + Persistence + Patience,” and
  • How being able to maintain your “vision” is the HARDEST (but least acknowledged) part of successfully “Thinking Big.”

“Thinking Big” IS important. But if you don’t understand the Hazards of Thinking Big,” you can get into a lot of trouble.

How to Run Carpet Work More Quickly, Lesson 2: Using a “Carpet Work Clock”

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The single most important tool that I use for going faster on the carpet is the “carpet work clock.”

In this video I cover:

  • How to use a carpet work clock to focus the participants on doing their work,
  • How to actually USE the clock during facilitation, rather than just “having it up on the wall,”
  • How to keep the process moving to “keep up” with the clock,
  • The carpet work process “milestones,” and how to use the clock to make sure you hit those “milestones” on time, and
  • [bonus!] How I keep track of the DAY as a WHOLE in a way that keeps the entire experience on track and moving forward.

How to run carpet work more quickly Lesson 1

Whenever I’m involved in leading a carpet on a weekend, my carpet is always done first.

Lately, people have been asking me why that is.

What am I’m doing that makes me able to go faster than everyone else?

It turns out there are SPECIFIC THINGS you can do to run carpet work faster.

Now, for the first time ever, I’m sharing exactly what I do run quick, consistent work in a new series of free videos.

In this first video I cover:

  • Why going faster is important.
  • Why more skill and experience might NOT help you go faster.
  • How “momentum” can work FOR you or AGAINST you on the carpet.
  • My NUMBER ONE piece of advice for going faster on the carpet.
  • The importance of agreement on your facilitation team to going faster.
  • Who you really “sell out” if you don’t run quick processes.
  • The ONE OUTCOME I’m holding in mind when I facilitate quickly.

…And a preview of the next video in this series.

I hope you enjoy this video. Please let me know what you think in the comments.