Archives for 2010

Who’s the Jerk Here? A Holiday Story by Dmitri Bilgere

So often relationship problems seem to come down to the question, Who’s the jerk here?

I’m not saying relationships should come down to that. But often they do. People assemble evidence about how their partner is being a jerk. They gather supporters to back up their point of view. And they create plans and take action to put a stop to this jerky behavior, once and for all.

While it’s certainly true that other people sometimes do things that should not be tolerated, it’s dangerous to jump to conclusions too quickly about who the jerk is in a situation.

I’d like to give you a real example from my life, in a little Holiday Story I call,

Who’s the Jerk Here? A Holiday Story by Dmitri Bilgere

Jerky, Jerky Fawn

My wife, Fawn, had been being very unreliable recently (even by her own admission). I’m not going to go into the embarrassing details, but she had been going through a time of frequently saying she was going to do things — sometimes important things — and either not doing them, or putting them off for so long I had to do them for her. [Read more…]

What I learned from Jen’s death

The body, like a mother, is pregnant with the spirit child.
Death is the labor of birth.
And all the spirits on the other side are waiting
To see how that proud birth shall occur
.
– Rumi

[This is a repost of the eulogy I wrote for Jen in 2004.]

My former girlfriend and current close friend, Jen, died Friday, August 13th, 2004 at 1020am.

It was her third round with breast cancer, and this time it metastasized to basically everywhere. She was 33 years old.

I was present with her for her last week in the hospital, and there when she passed. It was amazing.

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Why can’t you just visualize a crosswalk, then step into traffic?

crosswalkA coaching client recently told me this:

“I know a woman who wants to get married and have babies, so she’s set up a nursery in her house, and spends time sitting in it reading baby books, as if she is reading to an actual baby.

“I asked her about it, and she said that it’s important to create the space for what you want to attract in your life. She said it’s important to really believe in it, and to live as if it’s already in your life, which is what she is doing. But it sounds crazy to me — she’s not out meeting potential husbands, she’s sitting at home reading baby books! What’s up with this?”

I had to admit, she really was visualizing the outcome she wanted. She really was living as if her outcome was true, and had already happened. She had aligned her mind to “attraction,” by making the space for what she wanted in her life.

But the fact is, I (and my client) both found her behavior sort of creepy.

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How to use "Authority" to change your limiting beliefs

I’ve noticed an interesting thing as a workshop leader and as a coach:

Sometimes I’ll simply tell someone that something is possible for them, and they’ll believe me.

And they won’t stop there — they’ll live from this new belief, and get awesome new results.

That’s because an Authority can change beliefs. My Authority is so strong for these folks, it overrides their own belief and allows them to be different.

An “Authority” can change your belief about yourself when you believe in that authority more than you believe your current, limiting belief.

An Authority can be a coach, a therapist, a guru, a friend… It simply has to be someone you believe in more than you believe in your own limitation.

An Authority is someone where you stop and say, “Wow, if they say it, it must be true.”

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